Earned, Gained and Lost – Unlocking the Dividends of Respect in Team Building

Franklin D. Roosevelt, General Dwight D. Eisenhower, General George Patton, and Winston Churchill: Leveraging Respect in Leadership (Source: Wiki Commons)

Great leadership talent exists in times of peace as well as crisis.  However, extreme conditions demand that everyday people become extraordinary.  Some of the 20th Century's greatest leaders were proven in the crucible of the Second World War.  Political leaders like Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Eleanor Roosevelt, Winston Churchill, Queen Elizabeth, Josef Stalin, Chaing Kai-she, and Mao Zedong faced the challenge of motivating their nations to sacrifice comfort, money, and time to support the effort to free their countries from external threat.  Meanwhile, military leaders like Dwight D. Eisenhower, George S. Patton, George McArthur, Charles de Gaul, and Georgiy Zhukov faced the prospect of motivating their troops to risk their lives in defending their homeland, many going willingly to certain death.  What was it in these people that motivated their followers to risk all to follow them?  There are several motivators in the leader's toolbox.  However, only one - love and respect - has the power to motivate people to give their all willingly and gladly to fulfill the leader's vision.

While all these leaders undoubtedly motivated their nations using the soft power of patriotism, love of homeland, and charisma, their overall approaches varied significantly.  The Soviets and the Chinese resistance to foreign domination augmented the carrot of patriotism with the very large stick of oppression.  Many Soviet soldiers heroically advanced to certain death without a glance backward, but there was, nevertheless, an added motivator to keep them going forward, the People’s Commissariat of Internal Affairs or the NKVD.  The Soviet soldiers well knew that while going forward meant near certain death, they knew that chances of survival were greater advancing toward the German lines than retreating into the hands of Stalin’s security forces.  They also knew that surrender was not an option, not only in the sense of General Ivan Panfilov’s words, “Before us lies death, behind us Moscow.  There is nowhere to retreat,” but also Stalin’s threat that the family of any soldier surrendering to the enemy would be sent to the Gulag.  While patriotism in the Soviet Union was undoubtedly high, fear of State imposed consequences for less than full obedience was also a big motivator.

However, the British and Americans took a different approach.  Franklin D. Roosevelt’s fireside chats and Winston Churchill’s speeches on radio and before Parliament were voices of hope in the darkness of war.  Using the power of their own personalities and love of the homeland, they steeled their nations without the need for penal battalions and NKVD enforcers. 

Leaders have numerous tools for motivation at their disposal.  They can lead from the front, motivating their people to succeed by their example and devotion to the ideal they represent, or they can threaten from behind, forcing subordinates forward through fear and intimidation.  While the soft power of respect and positive motivation requires sustained effort, it nevertheless provides much greater dividends.  We are willing to go to greater lengths for those we love and respect than for those we fear.  A dog beaten into submission will bite back at the first opportunity.  People are no different.

Respect is necessarily backward looking as its Latin roots show.  We see its root in spectator and spectacles.  By adding the re- prefix, it takes on the meaning of looking again or looking back.[1]  In meeting someone, their perceived potential plays a role in building respect, but it this is only transitory.  It is the accumulated effect of their actions over time, viewed from the clearer perspective of the present, which builds respect.  Hence, we follow leaders for reasons tied how we see their past actions – if they have proven themselves worthy of our respect.  Hence, there are various motivators based on our past interactions that motivate us to follow or not follow our leaders.

Consequently, the motivation to obey our leaders falls into four basic categories.  The first and most primitive is fear of punishment.  Although General Dwight D. Eisenhower cautioned against this approach to leadership by pointing out, “You do not lead by hitting people over the head – that’s assault, not leadership,” pain avoidance can motivate.  Nevertheless, fear does not inspire one to excel and does not build effective teams.  Rather, it builds resentment and mistrust.  Working out of fear, we do only what is necessary to avoid the leader’s wrath, and the suspicion fear breeds can drive a wedge between members of otherwise effective teams. 

The second category involves rewards.  Pay, bonuses, performance awards, and promotions are common examples.  Promised rewards are probably the most widely used form of motivation, especially in Western meritocracies.  While rewards are an effective and important part of any leadership plan, they are not the whole answer. Although incentives motivate, they do not necessarily inspire or build team cohesion since the effect lasts only as long as rewards continue and competition for recognition or material rewards can fragment teams. 

The third motivator is duty.  Although of a higher order than the base inducements of the first two, it still does not necessarily inspire.  Many of us would go to work out of duty and do what is expected of us, even giving up some of our comfort, but this still lacks the ability to inspire us to willingly sacrifice more than the leader asks or duty requires.

Inspiration truly comes into play only in the highest order of motivation – love and respect.  Eisenhower defined leadership as, “the art of getting someone else to do something you want done – because he wants to do it.” As the top military commander, Eisenhower had the positional power and broad authority to punish those who did not obey his commands.  However, he preferred to use his soft power to influence his men and women.  They respected him and knew he respected them in return. 

General George S. Patton also understood this principle and the need to lead from the front.  While notorious for his temper, his men nevertheless followed him out of respect and because he respected them in turn.  His leadership philosophy was, “Do everything you ask of those you command.”  Patton lived, fought, and suffered with his men, and they, in turn, were ready to follow him to the ends of the earth.  His wish to be buried among them in Luxemburg in a grave marked by a simple white cross, identical to those marking the resting places of his men who valiantly followed him to their deaths shows this devotion. 

Luxembourg American Cemetery and Patton Grave

(American Battle Monuments Commission, via Wikimedia Commons)

While these famous leaders are great examples of the power of earned respect, other less renowned people have a profound influence on our lives, powered by the respect they earn through daily contact.  My father is such an example. 

Although not a man of great learning or worldly influence, my father is, however, a man possessed of wisdom, integrity, and compassion for others.  He is a friend to all and always true to his word.  His closest and most enduring friendships were with those, who could bestow little worldly advantage.  Perhaps that is why those friendships were so close and their respect for him was so great. 

My father worked hard his whole life, rarely asking anyone for help.  Nevertheless, anytime there was a need, especially among the elderly of our small town, my father would be there with his seven children to help.  He not only showed us how to act, he led us in selfless service.    

The value of service I learned from my father has been vital to my growth as a leader.  He taught me caring for people was more important than authority, material compensation, or what can be gained from the relationship.  In fact, he made it clear that I was to under no circumstances to accept anything more than cookies and lemonade in return for service.  I learned that a warm smile, a hug, a thank you, and the knowledge that you have helped someone means more and is more lasting than any monetary reward ever could be.  I am amazed at the enduring friendships, built on gratitude and mutual respect that he has cultivated.

My Dad and his legacy - Thanksgiving 2016

My respect for my father extends beyond his example of service.  The firm but fair way he and my mother enforced discipline in our home has left its imprint on my life.  My father rarely raised his voice or physically punished us, and when he did, he had a more than ample reason.  He and my mother enforced high standards without oppression.  We obeyed because we loved and respected our parents and didn’t want to disappoint them.  My father insisted we display the same integrity and work ethic he showed. He never demanded my respect – he earned it.  Through years of teaching, mentoring, and being an example for us, he was someone all seven of us could admire and strive to be like.

My father taught me many things, but one lesson, in particular, had a special impact.  Once, when I had done something against the high morals my parents had instilled in me, my father explained the importance of a good reputation – of the respect people have for you.  He explained that it takes a lifetime to build a good reputation, but a thoughtless act can destroy it in a moment.  Furthermore, he taught me that while I can choose my actions, I cannot choose their consequences and must take responsibility for my own choices.  In this, he pointed out that perception matters more than intent.  The excuse that I didn’t mean to hurt anyone doesn’t take away the pain I had caused.  After ensuring I understood, he personally took me to the person I had harmed to make proper amends. 

These lessons are particularly applicable in our modern virtually connected world.  With the power of the Internet and social networks, words spoken in a moment of passion, a picture, a post, a tweet, an e-mail can cause irreparable damage to our reputations and relationships.  While telling someone off may seem a good idea at the moment, once we hit the send button, it cannot be retrieved or its distribution controlled.

Organizations too can lose the respect of their employees, customers, and stakeholders.  Maltreatment of employees or customers no longer stays within closed doors.  With tools such as GlassDoor, Indeed, and LinkedIn, potential employees and customers can see how we treat those who work for us and gauge the morale within our organizations.  Some companies, rather than changing their managerial climate, try to control this damage by intimidation and legal threats.  This only exacerbates the problem.  Enforcement of morale via the pink slip does more harm than good.  The only truly constructive way to maintain a good public image and internal morale is to ensure our actions merit respect.  The dividends of this approach are incalculable.  An organizational culture based on true mutual respect can unlock the potential held in the collective talents and abilities of all stakeholders.

Thus far, we have focused on the respect we earn as leaders.  However, respect not only binds people to their leader, it also binds members of a team to each other.  When we respect and love our leaders and colleagues, our enthusiasm and willingness to go the extra mile increase.  When we base our teams on mutual respect we help, listen, and mentor each other.  We value each and every member’s contribution.  This builds unity and a culture of mutual respect.  In this environment, the leader’s role is not to drive them forward, but to cultivate this climate and to direct the team enthusiasm in accomplishing organizational goals and visions.

Basketball player, Senator, and author Bill Bradley advised, "Respect your fellow human being, treat them fairly, disagree with them honestly, enjoy their friendship, explore your thoughts about one another candidly, work together for a common goal and help one another achieve it."[2]

Similarly, Jillian Ellis, the coach of the US women’s national soccer team, explained, "If there is a mutual respect between players and coaches, that keeps the team honest and makes for a very healthy environment which in turn promotes other important qualities such as work ethic, integrity and a positive atmosphere for competing and winning."[3]

Recently, during a team discussion, the subject turned to effective leadership.  My leader’s views impressed me.  He emphasized the role of mutual respect in any leader-follower relationship.  He explained that respect is “earned, lost, and gained.”  I found this statement insightful because it follows my father’s lifelong example and teachings of earning and keeping a good reputation. 

While one can be appointed as a leader, this does not make them one.  A true leader earns his title over time by respecting and earning the respect of those he leads.  The key to understanding respect and its tie to leadership is that it is not simply given – it must be gained and earned.  However, we must not forget that it can also be easily lost.  Earning and keeping respect requires work and time.

I have often observed the interrelationship between leadership and respect.  I watched many true leaders work to gain and keep the respect of their people. As they did so, they were able to achieve many great things. 

Unfortunately, I also watched some lose this respect through thoughtlessness and disrespect and consequently struggle to meet basic objectives.  Without motivated and enthusiastic people at their back, they were left with the limited effectiveness of punitive enforcement of their will.

Years ago, a new lieutenant illustrated the power of earned respect to me as a young Airman.  Rather than “lead” from his office, he came out onto the shop floor, approached one of the crews and said, “Teach me to fix something.”  By showing he respected our contributions and was interested in us, he took his first step on the road to earning our respect.  Using similar approaches, he had soon gained such respect that any of us would do anything for “LT.” 

A leader who respects their people and who can earn the respect of their subordinates, in turn, fosters respect among them.  Consequently, they will find the effectiveness of their teams increase, resorting in organizational pride.  Teams, where the views and positions of all are not respected, restrict their potential informational and problem-solving power.  While hierarchy is necessary to maintain order and too little discipline can cost a leader the respect of his team just as much as too much.  A proper balance ensures all team members have a voice in decisions, leveraging the maximum amount of experience and knowledge. 

This is the root of the final aspect of respect.  A leader must be firm, but fair.  Respect is not earned by being indulgent and never confronting non-conformance.  A leader must care enough to correct.  One of the leaders I most respect reprimanded me on a regular basis.  Nevertheless, each time I stood in front of him to hear of my shortcomings, there was a reason.  Furthermore, he didn't simply berate me, he clearly pointed out where I had fallen short, explained the consequences for further substandard performance, and provided the resources necessary to reform myself.  Under his tutelage, I was eventually able to exceed his expectations.  When I did, he let me know and bestowed greater responsibility on me.  While I feared his displeasure, I learned to respect him as a firm but fair mentor and coach.

Respect is one of the most misused words in the English language.  Many think not fulfilling their demands shows a lack of respect.  Not agreeing with their views, no matter how irrational, is also a sign of disrespect. 

We must get back to the real meaning of this important concept.  Respecting someone means that while we may not always agree, we still value them, their contributions, and their input.

Leaders like those whose names are engraved in the annals of history respected and earned the respect of those with whom they accomplished so much.  They succeeded because they respected the contribution of those they led and did not rely on their own wisdom alone.  When we are able to swallow our pride and allow others to contribute to our collective success, we will earn their respect and devotion to not only us personally, but to the vision we embody.

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[1] According to Oxford Dictionaries, describes the origin of respect as:  Late Middle English: from Latin respectus, from the verb respicere 'look back at, regard', from re- 'back' + specere 'look at'. (http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/us/definition/american_english/respect)

[2] Bradley, Bill. Bill Bradley Quotes. 1 March 2015. 1 March 2015. <http://www.art-quotes.com/auth_search.php?authid=6579>.

[3] Benson, Michael. "Winning Words: Classic Quotes from the World of Sports." Benson, Michael. Winning Words: Classic Quotes from the World of Sports. Plymouth, UK: Taylor Trade Publishing, 2011. Pg 156. Google Book.